What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

When do you start "growing old"?

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Do you consider masturbating to porn cheating if you are married?

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

When was the first time your wife had beastiality?

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Why do some films seem to date/age so badly?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

How can you tell if someone is cunning?

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Does anyone wear see-through clothes to show off underwear?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

How is TikTok able to censor porn?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

What is a sermon to talk about men?

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Why is my vagina swollen, it’s very itchy. I had sex we used protection, but day after it felt like my insides had a heartbeat as well as itching, the pulsing has went away but it is still itchy and my discharge is yellow, i'm 15, what could it be?

TEXT:

Make Nazis afraid again!

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

How do I convince flat earthers that the earth is round?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Why don't people like Nickelback?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.